Muckraker

MUCKRAKER met retired Commissioner Holomo Molibeli only once when he was police boss. He was at a government event, wearing all those rank things on his shoulders and chest. Typical of his kind, the man was trying to look important. You know the kind that desperately wants to matter and carry themselves like they matter.

Tumisang Thahanyane’s affidavit is one of the most hilarious Muckraker has read in recent years. You would think Thahanyane was some mindless idiot tricked into a criminal enterprise by Thabiso Moroahae, the owner of Tholo Energy. The man knows how to tell a scandalous story in which he is the main actor without portraying himself …

At some point we should make a collective admission that we have never liked traffic lights. Our dislike has nothing to do with the fact that we call them liroboto. None is to blame. Tarred roads are new to us. Traffic lights are even newer. We are foot and horse people. We see them as …

Muckraker is not superstitious but now believes there are angry and rude lithokolosi at the roundabout near Pioneer Mall. Surely science and engineering cannot explain the stubborn potholes at the roundabout.

Muckraker sympathises with Sister Dr Morai, whose stint of pretending to be the police commissioner has just ended. It wasn’t a bad audition at all. No one can claim she didn’t try hard to shout at criminals.

Muckraker’s first car was a Mazda Demio. The old shape, not this new one that has grown hips and nyash. One day Mazda Demio (the church girl, not the slay queen) started spitting fumes from the backside. Muckraker rushed it to Thabang, the mechanic, who said it should be admitted into his “Under the Tree …

Our dear MPs had a busy week again. This time they were discussing what they should wear to work. Jane Lekunya, the Mechachane MP, was irritated that Hope leader’s Machabana was wearing a trouser in parliament. Machabana should be sent home to dress appropriately “to look like an MP”.

Muckraker swallowed four bottles of wine when sister Dr Mahlape Morai was appointed acting police commissioner. It was something to cheer for and an excuse to be intoxicated. At Muckraker’s age you need a valid reason and incident to get drunk stupid. Dr Morai’s appointment was both plus the naughty wink of approval.

THUSO Makhalanyane, the Abia MP, is probably still nursing bruises and aching muscles after being roughed up by the police at a roadblock. He claims the police beat and dragged him after he objected to their attempt to impound his car over a missing rear number plate.